and I begin again is a tumblelog.

Even when I don’t believe it, I know it’s true~ and I try to believe it

“”Don’t you think it’s rather nice to think that we’re in a book that God’s writing? If I were writing a book, I might make mistakes. But God knows how to make the story end just right—in the way that’s best for us.” 
“Do you really believe that, Mother?” Peter asked quietly. 
“Yes,” she said, “I do believe it—almost always—except when I’m so sad that I can’t believe anything. But even when I don’t believe it, I know it’s true—and I try to believe it.’” 
— Edith Nesbit

If your everyday problems are weighing you down, there are millions of people on Earth who would gladly trade places with you right now- problems and all- and feel they have been royally blessed.

(via littlemiss)

I had a wonderful time with my sister…. she hadn’t visited by herself in forever, so I really enjoyed being alone with her. Kenny did well, then went through a real adjustment, sending Graham back to school, bad weather… a bit of frustration and anger… Thinking he isn’t really sick.  He feels great. He has no troubles.

Honestly, it is the way I want him to feel, and I am so grateful he does. It means he still feels dignity and has a quality of life I want for him. On the other hand, I wonder if I should be letting him be more aware that I don’t understand most of what he says. That when he adds to a conversation, most often it is not the one we are having. Should I remind him that I am getting him dressed each morning?, that he doesn’t know how to turn on the shower? That he is most apt to put two socks on one foot and none on the other? Should I tell him that unless we are sitting quietly holding hands, there is almost no communication that is understood?

My answer to all of these questions, and so many more is no…. I can’t do that to him. I would rather endure his occasional anger and frustration which is geared toward me than to let him know each step of the way how he is failing. I would rather he occasionally accuse me of making this up in order to what, have control over him? I don’t really know, and truly, once he vents, and I leave him alone for awhile, he is very sorry. But during those moments, I just don’t know how I can do this.